Seven Perfectly Normal Functional Uses For Hair Weaves(A.Onyango)

1.       Foreign Affairs Sensitivity Training

A large percentage of hair extensions come from the heads of women and girls in India. It’s no secret that Indian women have really nice hair, just ask Pinky Ghelani. Now wrap your heads around THE FACT that the BEST way to have hair “LIKE” Pinky Ghelani’s is to just TAKE HERS. Now ask yourself, do you REALLY want to shave this beautiful head?

2.       Self-Defense Weapons

Ladies throw out your nun-chucks because they will never fit in a stylish purse. Instead, put on two of those detachable ponytail extensions and attach a lead weight to the ends of both of them. If attacked by an assailant all one needs to do is whip them off and fight back.

See demonstration below.

3.       Warming Men Up To “Cats” as Pets

There are only two socially acceptable reasons for a man to own a cat. The first is love of a woman who loves cats and the second is that he is a career James Bond Villain. A hair weave is much like a cat in that it leaves little strands of hair everywhere, doesn’t like to be touched and hates baths. So ladies, having a weave can help your man warm up to the idea of a cat because he is already dealing with all of the nuisances of having one.

4.       Keeping The Dog Busy

Dogs aren’t very bright. They will chase anything which looks furry. So a hair weave plus a remote control car can equal hours of endless fun. Not only does it keep the dog busy but if you have kids, give them the remote and let them have a go. But be warned, this is an addictive habit. It could last quite a while.

5.       Bread and Butter Acquisition

For all the negative talk about hair weaves, we tend to forget that these things actually put bread and butter on the stylists’ tables (and consume half of said butter). So in retrospect, getting a weave is actually an act of humanitarianism. Pat yourselves on the backs ladies….

6.       Preparation For A Career As Sydney Bristow

This is not so much about weaves, as it is about reminding people that Jenifer Garner did this…. And most of us enjoyed it (I feel the shame…. I do). That being said, I think the weaves are excellent disguises for women who don’t want to be recognized. This is mostly because the people who WOULD recognize them would pretend NOT TO thus enabling them to be covert.

7.       Celebrity Humanitarian Campaigns

When a poor little Indian girl’s head is shaved for the benefit of a better off woman in Nairobi, who cries? I think it’s about time a celebrity took up this cause and created awareness about it. Perhaps, the female celebrity (wouldn’t make sense for a guy to do it) could shave their head as a symbol of loyalty to the cause. I’m doing my part…. Are you?

 For the record, this is not me....