I THINK I MAY BE MARRIED (A.ONYANGO)

We live in a world of endless possibilities. But some possibilities are so warped that even the people who thought up The TwilightZone would scratch their heads in puzzlement. My electronics store missus tells me that she recently lost “a friend” to a surprise relationship. What is a surprise relationship you may ask?

Well, as her story goes, she and this “friend” used to hang out all the time. They would go on fun outings, share intimate secrets about each other’s lives, cook together and take long reflective dusk walks. In the midst of their “friendly” bliss, she met his friend who made a move on her. They hooked up and as the English say, that was that. After this, her once close “friend” became distant. Gone were the intimate moments now replaced with un-replied messages and ignored phone calls.

Eventually when she confronted the lad about it, he told her that he liked her and when she hooked up with another guy (a friend no less) he could not bear to be a part of the triangle. She does not understand this and insists he get over it because she wants her friend back. According to her, if he liked her he should have made a move. You know, seeing as all the relationship stuff they were doing was not an actual move. Since he did not actually ask her out then all the dates they went on did not count.

In case anyone has been reading thus far, THIS IS WHAT “EMOTIONAL CASTRATION” IS! This heterosexual man who was showering her with attention had NO RIGHT to think this would be a prelude to anything more. In fact, if he was truly considerate, he would have taped down his manhood, pickled his grapes and gotten them the latest season of Desperate Housewives for a long platonic cuddle on the couch, right ladies?

I have said it once, and I will say it again. Women are confusing wild animals which should be tranquillized and locked away until they mature to look like Halle Berry. For anyone to assume that a red blooded male would put that much effort into a relationship platonically REALLY is a conundrum. Can men and women be “just friends”? Sure, when social electric fences like relation, marriage, contractual agreements and threat of religious retribution exist. In ALL other instances there is an aura of “lets shag” around them. Man and woman were designed for pair bonding…. PERIOD! Anyone who believes otherwise is deceiving themselves.

I told my electronics store missus to NEVER tell me things like that again. She has female friends for that type of thing. I know the emergence of the “Gay Best Friend” has really thrown a wrench in the male female social paradigm but when a woman unloads emotionally on a sexually viable man, what they are saying is the equivalent of sending greeting cards from romantic destinations signed “Wish you were here… SIKE!!!!”