Friday, July 27, 2012

Habits of Highly Effective Humans

My friend Mandy says self-help books are probably the most counter-productive form of literature after the scribbling on bathroom walls. I think scribbling on bathroom walls is extremely useful otherwise I wouldn’t have spent so much time doing it in school. But I understand where she is coming from. Speaking as a self-help aficionado I have to say there are some things which are not planetary sensitive. One of the books which stands-out in this sector is Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. It contains gems like be proactive, begin with the end in mind, schedule, seek victory for all parties involved, understand then be understood, synergize and practice. All of these seven tips are highly valid and very useful in a world where everybody is honest and looking to help each other. Maybe people on Pluto behave like that, but this is Earth where mankind lives and we don’t do any of that. So I am giving you some tips on how to survive humanity.
First of all, be selfish. We learn to “give” as children and others learn to “take”. Those who learn how to take become even more effective at it than the givers. This is a cycle which will continue for the rest of your life if you do not put a stop to it early. If you have luxuries in your life made of your own sweat, you are under no obligation to “share” with anyone who is not a genetic by-product of yours or your father’s sexual escapades.
Secondly, never tell people what you are thinking. People are psychologically incapable of keeping secrets. So be weary of those constantly asking your opinion on things which are not yours to opinionate on. For example, what your boss does over the weekend with their personal assistant in a private hotel room has nothing to do with you, unless you have been invited to join in.
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! Stare at your monitor and do your job.  Pay your rent, put food on the table and go to the gym once in a while. Grab a drink with your kin and do some socializing. But NEVER get involved in anyone else’s life unless you have entered a contractual agreement to do so (verbal contracts count so watch it with the promises). 
TRUST NO ONE!  “The devil never uses your enemies to get to you, he uses your friends”. This advice was given as proof that I was in a kind of religious school in primary and that “letting people in” on anything in your life is the quickest way to lose it. The only people who have any business knowing how much you earn, how to do your job, what your techniques are and even what you have for lunch are people who share your last name in direct blood lineage. Remember, it was Merlin who first taught Morgan Le Fay how to trap people in rocks and he ended up in one himself.
Finally, emotions are things you share with the people you have breakfast with at home while morning cartoons are on. They have no business in a boardroom or on barstools. You should be as publically unreadable as an ancient Aramaic manuscript. Save your dislike of the government, your paycheck and people in your life for the punching bag at the gym. If you are asking why then please return to the top of this article and start again.


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