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Would you rather have $1,000,000 or the ability to give your wife a mind blowing orgasm every time you touch her? This has got to be the dumbest question I have ever been asked. Who would even pick the latter? Any determined man can figure out the conundrums of the female orgasm, right? But as I learned over the weekend, apparently some people would be much better off with the orgasm thing.

The only thing I know less about than relationships is sex. My pastor is very proud of me for it and my drinking buddies are not. But I have a firm policy (which I occasionally ignore for comical purposes) to never venture an opinion on things I do not know anything about. So I leave it to the experts over at Classic 105 to dispense advice on such topics.

However, I also think it makes sense that if looking for sex tips, it’s best to consult a professional. No, I don’t mean a therapist or a “sex coach” (thank you America for yet another strange occupation). I mean a person who has sex professionally. While doing research for the January project, I had a sit down with a Nairobi “working girl” named Brenda (alias). During the interview she shed light on a lot of things I hope to someday know about.

First of all, for all ye “Nay Sayers" out there, Brenda’s turnover is up to Ksh150,000 per month on a good month (tax free). I take that number as an indication that either she has A LOT of sex or she is VERY GOOD at what she does. Either way, I would like to think it adds credibility to her judgment on the subject. She and her colleague Salma told me that one of the things they get paid for is therapeutic services. Both men and women seek them out for sex tips all the time.

First of all, Brenda said affection is absolute. She told me of a married friend of her mother’s who confided in her about an affair she had been carrying on with a younger man. This woman was in her late fifties and had never had an orgasm. The younger lad was able to take her to those levels because he was more sensitive to her needs than her husband. Apparently, in forty years of marriage, she had never seen her husband naked. This is because he prefers it “in the dark” and treats sex like a secret. But the younger man walks around the house naked and is comfortable in his skin.

In addition, Brenda highlighted the need for an emotional connection. “I have multiple sex partners so what I feel depends. But when I am with my boyfriend I feel complete”, she said. Don’t even ask about the complications in that statement, I don’t feel like getting into that. Furthermore, she said people need to be open-minded and make their desires known. Finally, she said couples should shake it up. Try getting out of the boudoir and trying different rooms and positions. More importantly, she recommended that phones, computers and televisions be switched off and attention be focused on the lover and love making.

A.onyango