Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Shaved is Sexier

I am a HUGE fan of the female physique stereotype created by Matel’s Barbie. It taught that women should have long legs, perky breasts, a slender frame and long flowing silky hair. When I was growing up there was no room on the playground for ‘Curvy Barbie”. Not very many people realize however that the advertising gimmicks worked better on boys than it did girls. The “perfect body” is something men are trained to look for in women from a very young age. Most of my previous relationships, save one, have been with women who fit this paradigm. This is not to say I find anything wrong with full bodied beauties, it’s just what I prefer.

Hey! Don't Judge Me! Parents BUY their children these things. And
I dare you you to go to any department stores and find curvy manikins.

I don’t like having paradigm shifts because they freak me out. Lately I find myself absolutely intoxicated by short haired curvy women. Interestingly I see more and more women I know who once had shoulder length manes of glory cutting them off and adopting shorter hairstyles. It works! The hair was distracting me from noticing the ocular benefits of curves. Of late whenever a female friend complains about her hair, my first shot of advice is “Go bold and go bald!”
I was worried that I may be developing a new fetish, because I have too many as it is, so I consulted a professional. According to my drinking buddy The Therapist, men will react to any attractive display by women because it triggers our primal need to… well, you know. So the cutting of the hair is not only new and exciting, but it gives the woman a certain confidence which makes her more appealing. But he was saying all this with a glass of scotch in his hand so his authority is debatable.
The way I see it, the women of Nairobi have been regaining their physical confidence in steps. First, the cleavage barrage was unleashed. Women all over the city began to show a tease of their breasts while wearing everything from business suits to Sunday sundresses. Then, skinny jeans and stretch pants were tossed out in favor of leg revealing skirts matched up with shoes called “gladiators”, which have the optical illusion of making their legs look slender. But the latest in female fashion trends has me saying “Yes, Ma’am!” More and more women are experimenting with short hair.
Even a long hair fan like me must admit the benefits of short hair. First of all it is visibly clean (or filthy). Honestly, I have always found this female thing about washing hair once every two weeks to be sanitary gambling. Even my little sister used to give her dolls baths regularly. In addition, it is less of a distraction when evaluating facial features and physique. Third, I know people think the “bed hair” look is sexy but these people have never gone in for a kiss and got a mouth full of hair instead. Finally, with short hair time management is ALSO coming back into fashion. Not only are once four hour hair appointments now as short as twenty minutes in a barber’s chair, but as far as I can tell, women with short hair spend less time “getting ready”. This means getting to places ON TIME. I have missed the first fifteen minutes of many movies because of, “Let me just fix my hair”. The verdict is in ladies, short hair is IN and long hair is OUT. Make an appointment with your barber today. Those of you worried about having a large head should consult Rihanna posters.

by Andrew Onyango


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