Friday, December 21, 2012


“If you sprinkle while you tinkle, be a sweet and wipe the seat!”

When I was a wee one dealing with the complexities "potty training", there was a picture hanging in the main bathroom featuring a little boy using the loo. It had the ridiculous rhyme above under it. Besides proving that my mother had a twisted sense of humor (must have got it from her), the picture was supposed to help us boys keep an eye on the “aiming” issue when we decided we wanted to be less like Mom and more like Dad when it came to answering nature’s calls. It was catchy and the cartoon was a little funny so it worked to some extent.
Fast forward to my adult years and I recently found myself in a bathroom at a prestigious local law firm answering “the call”. Imagine my surprise when I saw the same image on the back of the door in the men’s room. I know lawyers are not "straight shooters" but I assumed it was only when it came to being human beings. You mean to tell me that they can’t hit “the target” when the target is a little water in a big bowl? Failing in marksmanship like this is worrying for a law firm. But it happens. Not just in law firms either. Offices all over the city have little passive aggressive notes all over the place demanding courtesy in the washrooms. Usually it says something like, “Please leave the lavatory clean after use”.... Translation.... “Learn to Aim!”
Since this is a common problem in most offices where the bathroom is a shared venture, I hereby volunteer some ideas on how to deal with it without resorting to passive aggressive notes and cartoons which may end up on some passive aggressive writer’s blog. First of all, uncover the culprit. This is very simple. Take the staff to a paintball arena and tell them to “Have fun”. In the melee, look out for the ones struggling with marksmanship; they are your most likely culprits. 
Secondly, use tact to talk to the individual. There is nothing more entertaining than publicly humiliating a “seat dripper” but that person still has to work for or with you. So call them into a private office and have a heart to heart with them. Share some embarrassing peeing stories of your own to build comfort then advise them to lift the seat before going. My mother taught ME this trick and I haven’t “sprinkled” while tinkling since because there is nothing to sprinkle on. But be sure to highlight how important it is to put the thing back down after business because women get SUPER sensitive about toilet seat positioning… Moving on! 
Finally, has anyone ever thought of inventing a self-cleaning toilet seat? It would save a lot of time and a lot of grief. But because it was MY idea I must insist on having 50% of the profits from sales and naming rights. That or we just set up offices in bushy areas… Think about it, it will come to you.



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