Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Sex,Emotions and Mary's Vagina

Emotions have a place in sex which cannot be severed no matter how many glasses of scotch you have before engaging in boudoir acrobatics. Also, don’t drink too much before engaging in boudoir acrobatics because it alters your performance (makes women better and men “not better”). Your past is a lesson my children. Learn it. Let me testify about my own past in hopes that it will inspire you to celebrate your own.

Let’s talk about sex baby. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Almost a decade ago, during a period my friends respectfully refer to as “back when you had a vagina”, I was an emotional young lad. How emotional? When other boys were watching Smallville to see a teen Superman hit stuff, I was watching it wondering when he and Chloe were finally going to finally figure out that they are perfect for each other. In retrospect, I kind of had that “vagina” shot coming.

But my emotions had nothing to do with a vagina. Yes ladies, you are not that special. All of us are emotional. Men just divert their emotions into aggressive activities. That’s why men spiral into abnormal sadness when their favorite soccer team loses a match. It’s the same feeling most women get when the stars of their favorite telenovela refuse to get their shit together (that is SO annoying, isn’t it?).

Why is it good that I was emotional? Well, I learned that from a woman's lady bits. Let’s call her Mary. She was a longtime crush I had in my youth. Five years long to be exact. We had a few “close encounters” but nothing to write gloating letters to Hugh Hefner about. Quite frankly, I was her bitch. She gave me just enough affection to keep me on her hook but kept me far enough from “the prize” that I kept trying. 
Eventually I wore her down and she gave me the biscuit and my friends, it was incredible. Well worth the wait. Words like “explosive” can be used to describe the interaction. I still have fantasies about that day. It was THAT good even by modern day comparisons.

It was good for one very important reason. Emotions! By the time I was given access into the “garden” I was pent up full of them. So the release was like breaking open a dam. I kid you not, I sort of felt like something had stabilized in me. Like I was a balloon about to burst then someone let the air out all of a sudden. I am no seasoned Casanova, I haven’t slept with 100 women, but I have had a “reasonable” amount of “experience”. But one thing is certain. It is always better when emotions are involved… ALWAYS!
Also, be safe… Don’t be stupid! Even if you and your paramour are both in love and disease free, if you are reading this, you are NOT READY to be a parent! This is because of the fact that you are getting advice about such sensitive matters from a madman with an internet connection and a thesaurus!



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